The Top Things That Will Happen Now That Fitzgerald And Polamalu Are On The Madden ’10 Cover

Eddie George, Daunte Culpepper, Marshall Faulk, Michael Vick, Ray Lewis, Donovan McNabb, Shaun Alexander, Vince Young, and most recently, the immortal Brett Favre. All of them became victims of the Madden Curse.  For those of you who don’t know, Madden is not only a Hall of Fame/Superbowl XI winning coach and drumstick loving broadcaster, but his name adorns the NFL’s main video game franchise. Since 2001 whichever athlete was chosen to be the cover-model has had a terrible season following the release of the game.  These once unstoppable athletes succumb to injury, slumps, bad losses, and even the inability to love dogs.
So who is the newest to be brought to Madden’s career slaughterhouse? None other then Larry Fitzgerald of the Cardinals and TroyPolamalu of the Steelers, arguably the two most dominant players at their respective positions.  Because I’ve become a gambling addict, lets go over the possibilities of what will happen to the newest players to fall prey to Madden’s cover curse.

ALIEN ABDUCTION 1,000,000-1

Wouldn’t you love to see aliens try to abduct two 200+ pound football players renowned for being tough guys. Why do movie aliens always attack boring people? Who gives a shit if Mel Gibson’s farm is attacked by crop circle making pussy aliens in Signs? Lets see those aliens try that crap on Mike Tyson. Of course the one notable exception would be Jim Brown in Mars Attacks. Now THAT was a movie.

FRITZ PETERSON / MIKE KEKICH LIFE SWAPPING SCANDAL 500,000-1

If you don’t know the story, two Yankees pitchers, Peterson and Kekich, swapped lives completely. They traded wives, children, houses, and even dogs (according to todays smartest orgonzation… Wikipedia). Now THAT would be a scandal. This wouldn’t really do anything to the careers or statistics of Fitz and Polamalu, but would be the most talked about thing of all time.  Imagine the water cooler talk. “Fuck OJ’s car chase, did you hear about Fitzgerald and Polamalu switching lives?”

NOTHING 1000-1

Don’t kid yourself, something is going to happen. THERE ARE TWO OF THEM FOR FUCK’S SAKE, TWO TIMES THE OPPORTNITIES!!! SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN!! *breath*

RETIREMENT 900-1

I don’t think this will happen, but it’s not unprecedented for an athlete to retire in their prime. See Barry Sanders for example. However he was a runningback, and runningbacks on average have a career shorter then most ipods.

ONE OF THEM WILL FAIL A DRUG TEST 100-1 (after all it’s the NFL, they’re all on SOMETHING, right?)

As a Toronto sports fan i would love to see this happen. Why you ask? Because if either of them pulls a Micheal Phelps… or a Daryl Strawberry…or a Marion Jones….or (insert the athlete your thinking of here) they will inevitably want to resurrect their career in the CFL. RICKY STYLE!!! Then maybe my Argos will have a better year then the last one.

SIDE NOTE: If anyone is actually reading this (and why the hell wouldn’t you), there is a cool story about when Walker and I worked for the Argos but i’ll save that for another time

INJURY 5-1

This is probably your best bet. Both Fitzgerald and Polamalu play the way the game is meant to be played; tough as shit, hard nose football. Polamalu even called the NFL a sissy league because of all the QB protection rules. An injury would be devastating to their teams, but don’t worry football fans; if either one of these two sustain an injury it will probably be hair related.

Although there is always the possibility that both of them will have good seasons, both will be Pro bowl players, and both will once again lead their teams to playoff positions. But even so the curse will live on. How is this possible you ask? Well you see, Madden (the drumbstick loving broadcaster this time, not the game) is no longer around to call the games.  So in the end, are we not all victims of the ultimate tragedy of the Madden curse?

By Scott

Advertisements

One response to “The Top Things That Will Happen Now That Fitzgerald And Polamalu Are On The Madden ’10 Cover

  1. Truly a wonderful article Scotty… I enjoy your point of view on some occasions

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s