Douche-Rod

Just when you were thinking it wasn’t possible for Alexander “A-Rod” Rodriguez’s record for the biggest douche bag in baseball, and in life to be broken, it was. Just like his record setting contracts, he has once again broken his own record for biggest douche bag in the universe. This time there is evidence that he juiced not only with Texas Rangers, but also took PED’s with the Yankees. Oh ya, he started when he was in high school. Apparently A-Roid learned from the best, his high school coach. Apparently his high school coach knew A-Roid, was taking more than just power bars, and drinking raw egg protein shakes, and just turned a blind eye. Ya, that’s setting a good example for the kids.

I won’t go into the details since it has become old news, if you haven’t heard already you can read all the juicy details here. What are real douchebag eh? Using the Juice and having to pop pimples off his shrunken balls, before he could shave his face. I bet he was the asshole who never went to class, but cheated just off the smart kids just enough to pass. I wonder if they ever knew he’d make $200,000,000 before his 34th birthday.  If he wants to be even richer he has a few (million) incentives in his contract, for each milestone he reaches.

Now don’t get me wrong, I hate A-Fraud, and not in the way I hate other athletes, I mean, at least Peyton is a decent human being. I wasn’t planning on making a list, but here are the first four reasons why I hate A-Roid.

He is a Douche Bag On the Field
Hrm, where should we begin, how about with the Texas Rangers, in the now famous book Moneyball, they clearly state that A-Rod would look back out of the corner of his eye to see where the catcher was placing his glove. Any other player would have gotten beaned. More recently, a couple of years ago I was at the now infamous MIIINE incident, where while running behind backup thirdbaseman Howie Clark, yelled “mine”. Clark, thinking it was an out fielder, let the ball drop. Thankfully A-Fraud did get beaned later in the season, resulting in a bench clearing brawl, where Matt Stairs thought that a hockey game broke out, and sprinted out of the dug out to give A-Roid the business.

He is a Douche Bag Off the Field
Everyone knows somebody who knows somebody, and well for what it’s worth, I’ve heard A-Rod was a real asshole in the clubhouse. How does he compare, well Jeter, cocky but a nice guy, Johnny Damon, nicest guy ever, Barry Bonds, surprisingly nice. A-Hole however does what he wants, when he wants, I wouldn’t be surprised if when he was in high school he stole out of his teammates lockers, for you know lunch and juice money.

He Has No Taste in Women
So he cheated on his wife with a stripper, ok well he’s an asshole for that, but leaving her for Madonna, I mean Madonna. Nasty eh? I bet she can grow more facial hair then Travis Snider, hell I bet she can grow a meaner fu-man-shoo then Sally Fasano. But really, leaving your wife for Madonna would be like paying to be on Apollo 16, you’re just going where many men have been before

Gimmie, Gimmie, Gimmie
Sir Douche Bag will break the $200,000,000 mark in the amount of revenue he has earned stolen, but what was the last charitable thing that he has done. Nothing that’s right, hell even Michael Vick has done more to give back, both voluntarily, and court ordered of course. Tom Brady took a pay cut to pay his linemen, Snoop Dogg has a kids football league, Roy Halladay has Doc’s Box to bring children from Sick Kid’s to Blue Jay games. The only contribution Alex makes is at the brass rail.

So there you have the first four parts of an infinite series on why A-Rod is a Douche-Rod

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2 responses to “Douche-Rod

  1. manchild hates arod

  2. Pingback: A-Rod Rebuttal « Toronto Sports Blog

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