My May 2nd Fight Card

Before we start My fight rankings have nothing to do with numbers and statistics, but rather entertainment. My rankings are all infamous movie titles, and are as follows:

1. Raging Bull

2. Rocky I

3. Million Dollar Baby

4. Rocky II

5. Rocky Balboa

6. Ali

7. Rocky III

8. Cinderella Man

9. Rocky IV

10. Rocky V

I know that is a convoluted way of simply giving a 1-10 entertainment rating, but I love movies, and I love boxing. Put the two together and you get a confusing unnecessary ranking system.

8:30

Like so many of my pre-game moments, I’m wondering what I should be eating during this marathon of boxing brilliance. My mind goes wild with the fatty, sodium-laden possibilities. But Unfortunately I just ordered a $50 fight, so maybe a $20 pizza isn’t the best way for a starving student to spend his money.

9:00

I learn that in a last minute change, Ricky Hatton’s brother, Matthew won’t be fighting on TV. That’s a disappointment. I can’t wait to hear this soccer like crowd cheer for their fellow Mancunian. Now I’m just going to have to wait longer. Also James Kirkland, an exciting light middleweight trained by legendary female fighter Ann Wolfe, won’t be fighting either. Kirkland was found with a gun which violated his probation. This is truly a shame as Kirkland is an exciting, BAT SHIT CRAZY fighter.

9:15

I flick over to see the Celtics Bulls score in between rounds. After a slow start the Cs are into halftime with a 14-point lead.

Side Note: At this point I panic. I changed the channel….Will Pay Per View ask me to pay again when I change back? I grab the remote with trepidation…Will it work? Will I have to pay another $49.99?…I firmly press the “return” button on my remote………….It changes, and all is well.

Sorry about that lack of drama. But this is just how stupid I can be.

Erislandy Lara vs. Chris Gray (and a Michael Buffer Side Note)

The first undercard fight went the full 4 rounds. Erislandy Lara soundly defeated Chris Gray. Gray only connected on 11 of his punches. Overall I give the fight a Rocky IV, but only because Lara could be a future star.

At the same time as I listen to Michael Buffer announce this 40-36 snoozfest, I wonder “why was Buffer cast as the bad guy in Don’t Mess With The Zohan?” What Hollywood exec thought casting MICHAEL FUCKIN’ BUFFER was a good idea?

Matt Korobov vs. Rodrigo Aguilar

Korobov beat Rodrigo Aguilar by TKO after the ref rescued the poor American fighter. He was being destroyed. Rodrigo Aguilar landed only 1 power punch. I thought 11 was bad. DAMN!! This one gets an Rocky III rating as it was entertaining if nothing else. The power punching and TKO helped, and much like Lara, Korobov could be a future star in the Middleweight division.

Daniel Jacobs vs. Mike Walker

Jacobs was substituted for the afore mentioned James Kirkland. Seriously Kirkland is BAT SHIT CRAZY but in a good way!! But it wasn’t to be to lets move on.

As I watch this, I keep thinking about how screwed Mike Walker would have been if he faced Kirkland. Walker would have been going down faster than a Vietnamese hooker. Can you tell I was a James Kirkland fan? I’m so disappointed he’s in jail now. The fight ends with a unanimous decision for Daniel Jacobs and gets an Ali rating. But with Kirkland it was a Rocky I waiting to happen.

Humberto Soto vs. Benoit Gaudet

ATTENTION!!! ALERT!!! WARNING!!! CANADIAN CONTENT AHEAD!!! That’s right Benoit Gaudet is a Canadian fighting out of Quebec, challenging Soto for the WBC Super Featherweight Title. Mine That Bird won the Kentucky Derby, and the Jays won in a great 11-inning thriller, so lets see if Gaudet can continue a great day for Canadian sports.

Side Note: the Singing for Ricky Hatton has begun… It’s 12 rounds early, but still it has started.

Another Side Note: Gaudet speaks French, Soto speaks Spanish, but the ref speaks English….there is something wrong here.

Gaudet goes down in the first minute of the fight, but fortunately gets back up continue to take on the Mexican born Soto. If I were in Gaudet’s corner I would tell him to yell, “Look over there, it’s SWINE FLU!” then when Soto is distracted…BAM.

So the Swine Flu distraction method wasn’t used. Maybe it’s still too soon.  Gaudet got KOed in the 9th round. But Gaudet fought a great fight and gained some fans along the way. Overall the fight gets a Rocky II.

Yet Another Side Note: the Celts just won by 10. I believe if you scroll down you’ll see I called that yesterday.

Pacquiao vs. Hatton

Months of hype, thousands of fans, two fighters, one ring; Here we go. Since I’m openly cheering for the Hitman I might as well join in. THERE’S ONLY ONE RICKY HATTON! ONE RICKY HATTON! WALKING ALONG! SINGING A SONG! WALKING IN A HATTON WONDERLAND! (rinse & repeat).

Holy Shit ANOTHER Side Note: While they were singing the American national anthem they showed video of the Vegas Strip. If you’re trying to invoke national pride in the US, should you really show the Vegas Strip? When the girl sang “land of the free” I thought she was going to add “free…shrimp cocktail after 12pm at the Golden Nugget, and the land of the hookers!”

ROUND 1

I should never cheer for any team or athlete I want to be successful. Hatton went down twice in the FIRST ROUND!! Pacquiao’s hands are AMAZINGLY fast.

ROUND 2

Hatton looked to be doing okay for 2 minutes 59 seconds. A PERFECT left-hand hook to the chin, and Hatton went limp. Three months of training for a round and a half. Is sucks for such a great athlete, and by all accounts great guy to go down in such a poor showing.

JUDGEMENT

If you’re a Pacquiao fan, it’s a Raging Bull. If you’re a Brit, or cheering for the more charismatic Hatton, it’s a sad sad moment. Overall I’ll give this fight a Rocky I.The Atmosphere was amazing, and the fight was vicious.Very Entertaining.

With Pacquiao being THIS dominant, and Floyd Mayweather Jr. coming out of retirement earlier today, how long until we see the two in the ring? Now that fight will be worth $49.99. But until then I’m going to take a page from Hatton’s massive following and keep singing. “THERE’S ONLY ONE RICKY HATTON!”

By Scott

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4 responses to “My May 2nd Fight Card

  1. Where to begin, firstly I’m sorry your food budget had to be slashed, had I been there I may have been able to talk you into some sandweeeges from Vusivos.

    Secondly where was Rocky VII Adrienne’s revenge on your rating scale?

    Thirdly, good job on predicting the Celt’s win.

    Fourthly, do we want to get a tosportsblog twitter?

    -Lubes

  2. haha you know I’m a Lenny’s guy. Well i guess now I’m a nothing guy.

    When Adrienne’s Revenge FINALLY gets made, it will be top of the list. Guaranteed. Except It will have to be a flashback; Adrienne is dead.

    And if we Twitter, you have to do the updates. I’m morally against it….Then again i used to be morally against Facebook but i caved eventually.

    • I know, but hey why not, I already have twitter (and you REALLLY should too, even my mom has twitter) and I post the updates there, a lot of other blogs follow me, DJF, Mop Up Duty, etc….

  3. Pingback: My May 2nd Fight Card

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