Since High school I have been buying various jerseys from a variety of different teams. I know some people say the only people who wear jerseys after the age of 15 are bad rappers, but I beg to differ. I believe selected wearing can still be permitted in public without looking like Nelly. It can’t be an everyday event, but there is no reason a guy can’t wear a jersey when watching or attending a game. After all a guy needs to let his allegiances known.
When I was young and stupid, stupider I would buy a jersey based on no real rhyme or reason. Because I had no system I have amassed a collection of random jerseys from a bunch of different sports. Not only have I created a collection of lackluster athletes, but I also fully believe that I am the reason for their lack of success. Eat your heart out Madden because I’m the real voodoo master of sports curses. I present the following as my evidence.
Exhibit A – A Toronto Raptors Vince Carter Away Jersey
I’m not really sure how I got this jersey, all I know is that I didn’t buy it for myself. Nonetheless I loved my VC Jersey. He was the first Toronto athlete I became truly fanatic about. After all he was “Half-Man Half-Amazing.” However I distinctly remember after getting the jersey VC began his transformation into what would become public enemy #1 in Toronto sports. Even giving up his starting spot in the NBA all-star game to MJ in 2003 couldn’t redeem his spot in my heart. Thus began the Jersey Curse. I was just too ignorant to realize it. After Carter was traded I sold the jersey at a garage sale for $15. The memories were just too painful
Exhibit B – A Washington Bullets (Wizards) Michael Jordan Home Jersey
I got this throwback Jersey given to me by a long-time friend who knew I was excited to see MJ come out of retirement. But that’s not to say I get excited for all legends to make a comeback. I’m looking at you Brett. Anyway after I got the jersey MJ was constantly injured, never made it back to the playoffs, and later on drafted Kwame Brown first overall when he was in charge of the Wiz. Jordan is still the best basketball player ever to put on a pair of high-tops , but the Jersey Curse definitely tarnished his legacy.
Exhibit C – An Oakland Raiders Charles Woodson Home Jersey
Charles Woodson was a success then, and continues to be a pretty good player today up in the frozen tundra of Green Bay. However I bought this jersey the morning of Superbowl XXXVII. I had some buddies coming over that night to watch the game, and I didn’t want anyone thinking I was cheering for Tampa. Those who know me will tell you I have a hatred for ANYTHING Tampa. Had I known about the Jersey Curse, I would have bought a Warren Sapp Jersey and worn it proudly.
Exhibit D – A Kansas City Chiefs Priest Holmes Home Jersey
I Bought Holmes’ jersey after he set the record with 27 touchdowns in 2003. I thought I had finally got the jersey of a Hal of Famer. After all he set the TD record!! Of course two years later he was injured, replaced by Larry Johnson, and his TD record has since been bested…twice.
Exhibit E – A Detroit Pistons “Big” Ben Wallace Road Jersey
I remember asking for this Jersey for my birthday after the Pistons won the championship in the ’03-’04 season. I loved how they were the second coming of the “Bad Boy” Pistons. Wallace was definitely the least impressive of that amazing starting five, but I wanted his jersey nonetheless. Of course one year later, Wallace shoved Ron Artest and began the most sever NBA brawl ever. It’s rare that one Jersey Curse can effect the season of 2 teams, 9 players, and every official until this day. Sorry about that one guys. It’s on me.
Exhibit F – A Tennessee Titans Eddie George Away Jersey
I loved Eddie George. Even though he came out of Ohio State, I still loved his “hit you in the mouph” brand of football. It was because of EG that I became a Tennessee Titans fan in the first place. Of course after I bought his jersey his production plummeted, and he only spent one more year with the Titans before heading down the highway to the hated Dallas Cowboys. It’s rare to see a guy double cursed, but between me buying his jersey, and Eddie being on the Madden cover, he was doomed.
RAPID FIRE EVIDENCE
Exhibit G – Green Bay Packers Brett Favre Away Jersey
• Terrible TD/Interception ratio after i bought his Jersey
• Noodle arm
• Can’t retire
Exhibit H – Toronto Maple Leafs Mats Sundin Home Jersey
• Best player to never win the cup
• Can’t retire
Exhibit I – Team Canada Hockey Jersey (Nagano Olympics)
• They were crap
Exhibit J – Seattle Sonics Ray Allen Home Jersey
• The team moved
Exhibit K – A Michigan Wolverines Home Jersey
• They’re worse then the Nagano Olympics Men’s Canadian hockey team
• Greg Paulus could have been the starting QB…enough said
Exhibit L – A Miami Dolphins Ricky Williams Away Jersey
- do i really have to write anything for this one? It’s ricky
The Curse Broken?
After years of destroying athletes, entire teams, and (in Seattle’s case) cities, I have broken the curse by only buying jerseys of legends who have retired. My newest jerseys that are either hangin in my closet or on the way are “Mean” Joe Green, Cal Ripken Jr., Magic Johnson, and Jackie Robinson. On the other hand if anyone wants to buy me a jersey of someone you hate let me know. A. Rod, Kobe, Ovechkin, T.O., Pedroia, Peyton, seriously i’ll destroy anyone’s career.