Author Archives: scottyc101

A Special Gift From The Sunshine State

I have work early tomorrow, yet i am unable to sleep. I am just too excited about last week’s news out of Tampa Bay.

Regular readers will know I feel a certain sense of abhorrence towards Florida and in particular Tampa. In fact I would reserve a special spot in hell for all things Floridian, and sports is no different. The Magic, the Rays, the U, the Heat, the Jags, the Lightening, the Marlins, et al. I hope that all these teams undergo embarrassing losses, humiliating plays, and seasons their fans would like to forget.

However in a rare, RARE occurrence, I am going to have to give a big TO Sports Blog thank you, to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers who agreed this week to wear their previously retired, amazingly discussing orange uniforms for one regular season game this year. These uniforms look like Richard Simmons tried to design a Raiders third jersey, only it got thrown out by Al Davis, and sent to the Armpit of the world known as Tampa.

For those of you who may not know, the Bucs were known as the “Yucs” and even had a winless season while wearing these creamsicle abominations.

So Tampa Bay Bucs, for bringing back bad vibes and reliving a horrible past, I thank you.

By Scott

PS the game they’re wearing these throwbacks just happens to fall on my birthday. Thanks Tampa!

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I’m a Sports Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here

Did anyone see the show I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here? Now usually I’m not one for crappy reality TV, but it’s the summer so quit breaking balls and just listen.  The most competitive person on the show was John Salley. You know Salley; 4 time NBA champion, and the token black guy on Best Damn Sports Show Period. Anyway this got me thinking, what if there were only sports stars stuck in the rain forest of Costa Rica? Lets explore.

Michael Jordan:
MJ would be the favorite to win, after all, the guy went 6 for 6 in NBA championships, a reality show should be easy. He would do every single challenge with his tongue sticking out too.  However in the end, he would quit the show twice, and eventually come back on another less popular show, which further ruins his legacy.

O.J. Simpson
Who wouldn’t want to watch “The Juice” on this show. However he would be first voted off after America saw his one luxury item he brought from home was a poorly fitting black glove

Adam “Pacman” Jones
He’s gonna make it rain!! …..Only on this show the strip club is the jungle ………and the “rain” isn’t money……… but actual fucking rain.

John McEnroe
He’d be the guy who freaks out first. “What do you mean we’re out of rice!! I’m out there busting my ass…” His luxury item? Well it would be a picture of him with his beautiful 80’s hair. What do you call that anyway?

Anna Kournikova, Maria Sharapova, Danica Patrick, Jennie Finch, Amanda Beard, and Stacy Keibler.
Eye Candy. I’m not a shovinist, but who wouldn’t want to see any of these girls in some tight-fitting wet halter tops fighting it out in a food challenge?

John Madden
He would be the guy who eats all the food, and pisses everyone off because he’s always pointing out the obvious. “We’re starving because we’re not eating enough fried chicken.” But in the end he would stay on the island and loose at least 100lbs.

Bill Simmons
Yes I know he isn’t an athlete, but do you trust anyone else to document this amazing show? No, of course not. For that we need the best. Enter SimBo.

Charles Barkley
They got Chaz Barkley only because Shaq was too busy Twittering to come on the show. Barkley would bring his golf clubs as his luxury item, and would be working on his swing every day……and it would still look like an awkward grade 6 slowdance. Chaz would also place bets with Michael Jordan on every immunity challenge, eventually leading to Chaz loosing $ 230,000.

Coach Mike Singletary
Mike would fill the roll of the token old guy, who gives everything his best, but in the end just can’t pull it out. Plus who wouldn’t want more soundbites like this.

There you have it. One island, six women, eight guys, thirty cameras, and millions entertained. But who would win? Stay tuned everyone!

By Scott

Some more RST

I have three articles coming. I swear I’m not a one trick pony. But until then…..here is my one trick…….RANDOM……..SPORTS……….THOUGHTS!!!

1)    I have decided not to respond to the article below. It will become a never-ending mass of arguments that once resembled an article. In the end we both have points.

2)    I love Doc, and I want nothing more then to see him win a title in Toronto. But let’s be honest with ourselves….it’s not going to happen. We have to let him go. To keep the good Doctor, we would have to throw the bank at him, and if we learnt one thing from the Delgado era; it’s that you can’t win when one person on your team takes up 25% of your payroll. Let the bidding war begin.
a.    Doc to Philadelphia?

3)    Why is no one signing Shawn Marion? He’s could be a quality #2 or 3 on any team.
a.    Marion to Cleveland?

4)    Remember when I said Lance would not win the Tour De France, and then said “Are you listening ESPN” I was TOTALLY joking.
a.    Lance said he wouldn’t try to win this Tour but he’s currently sitting in second place. He’s like that big brother who says “o yeah I’ll let you win, just this one time.” But then yells “Screw you!” and gives you a Dutch Oven instead.

5)    Props to FAN 590. The self proclaimed “number one hockey station” put their Hockey Central at Noon show on hold for an hour long baseball show.  This is the happiest I’ve felt about the FAN since Chuck Swirsky was on the airwaves. We miss ya Chuck!

6)    Because of Bill Simmons’ podcasts completely about reality TV, I thought I would give MTV’s The Real World a shot. So far it’s like a porno minus all the money shots. Anyway that isn’t what this thought is about. There is some blond dude on the show named CJ who is currently a NFL free agent punter. My question is, does this idiot really think any head coach will rush to their phone to sign a punter who’s doing body shots off 18-year-old girls in Cancun?
a.    Actually now that I say that, he sounds perfect for the 2005 Vikings.

7)    Has Tampa become the MLB’s best team?……..I just scared myself

8)    As I have said many times, I am not a hockey guy. But as I am living in the hockey hotbed of the world, I know a lot that a casual fan such as myself usually wouldn’t. That being said, I really love what Brian Burke is doing at the reigns of the TML. Beauchemin, Exelby, and Komisarek! In Burke we trust.

9)    Do you think Manny could share some fertility drugs with the Cubs’ offence?

10)    Lebron has taken a big step backward in my book. A kid dunked on him at a skills camp he was holding, so and he and Nike destroy the tapes of this dunk?  That’s low. Wouldn’t it have been better to let the tape out and avoid this entire public backlash?

One Two for the Road
1) Here’s a prediction that no one really cares about: Tomasz Adamek will beat Tommy Gunn by a majority decision when they fight this Saturday. PUT IT ON THE BOARD
2) Go and rent a movie called 61* a film about Roger Maris versus Mickey Mantle in their home run battle of 1961.  It also begs the question: was Maris the original A-Rod?

By Scott

A Rebuttal To Walker’s Thoughts on Chicago

chicago vs cleveland

Not too long ago, my main man Walker made an argument that Chicago was a town devoid of sporting success. However I happen to disagree and think that Cleveland has a MUCH MUCH worse sports history. So here’s my rebuttal:

Once again rebuttals typed by Lucas will be in italics.

First I would like the thank Scott for making his entire post a tribute to the late Billy Mays, using only the Billy Mays Key to type.

1) Chicago had a Dynasty with the bulls. DYNASTY!! there have only been a handful of dynasties in all sports combined, and the Bulls have a good chance to be the most impressive dynasty of all. In fact I’m going to work on an article about that right now.  Stay tuned Sports fans.

This is the one exception to the rule, where they lucked out. Think about it, without Phil Jackson, without MJ, or Scottie Pippen, would there have been the Bulls Dynasty. I’m sure that they would have been good, just not as good. Much like figure skating though, if you take away the top point the average score is still going to be lower than the average score of Cleavland. Without going into an advanced statistical analysis, the Bulls are skewing Chicago on the crap-o-meter. Take them away and they are worse than Chicago.

Walker you are a smart man, but this is the WORST rebuttal ever. You can’t ignore the fact the Bulls were great. Also you can’t play the “what if” card. What if Sam Bowie went to Chicago and Jordan went to Portland? What if the Bulls drafted Reggie Miller instead of Scottie Pippen? What if Tex Winters never invented the Triangle Offense? These Questions don’t matter because IT DID HAPPEN! Lets not over complicate things. It’s Chigaco 6, Celveland and depressing.

You are right, the Bulls are much much better than the Cavs, however, what have the Bulls done recently? That silence you hear is your answer. The thing is what this argument is coming down to is whose better, LeBron or Michael Jordan. The answer is clearly M.J. so Chicago had the much better all-star. However since we are not discussing who has the worst players, we are discussing the worst teams. Granted Jordan’s supporting cast was better than King James’, but time will tell, as James still have 10 good years.

2) The Browns have never been to a Superbowl, and can hang their hat on Jim Brown and only Jim Brown (By the way I love Jim Brown).  The Bears have countless great names (Singletary, Ditka, Butkus, Sayers, Payton Et Al.), legendary moments (fog bowl, Ditka vs. Ryan: two coaches one team, “they are who we thought they were” Et Al.), and possibly the best team of all time (1985 bears)

No but the Browns do have four NFL championships, and the 1985 Bears are a very overrated team. I like to think that the 1985 team was a fluke. Yes their defence was good, but it was figured out. Mike Ditka never made it back to the championship. Prior to the 1984 season the Bears didn’t win a divisional championship for 42 years. This includes the premerger NFL, and like the Chicago baseball teams could not capitalize on weaker, and less competition.

This is in the same category as above. Even if you think the 1985 Bears are “overrated” (Which they aren’t at all), they still won a championship!! And if you want to count long time struggles before success, shouldn’t we be arguing over the Pittsburgh Steelers? Or maybe the Tampa Bay Bucs? No matter how you cut it, Chicago has a legendary team and 1 Superbowl, the brown’s best known moment is “the drive” and that is just depressing.

There is also another argument to be made regarding which franchise is historically worse, the Browns or the Bears. The Bears were around 26 years before the Browns were founded. In addition the Browns had financial troubles in the 90s which means in the early 90s prior to their fold in 1996, they wouldn’t have been able to have a competitive payroll. Insert Moneyball rebuttal here. In addition to this, when they came back in 1999, they were a new franchise, which means they are starting from scratch so it will be at least another five years before they could be competitive again. These five years, three years of inactivity and call it two years of low budget mean that for another decade on top of the 26 year head start the Bears had, the Bears have a total of 36 more years of Franchise experience.

Also you can’t give the “5 years to get good” idea. The Panthers made the playoffs in their second season in the NFL. Jacksonville became perennial playoff contenders ONE YEAR after being founded. The Idea that anyone can win in the NFL destroys any argument of time in the league.

Fun Fact The Clevland Browns have the fourth most players in the Hall of Fame. In terms of expansion teams here are the most recent. The reason that I say you need to give  a new franchise five years is because thats the average NFL career. After this time, they have seen enough players and possibly personal cycle through that they no longer dealing with all the issues that new franchises go through.

  • 2002 -Since the Houstan Texans still haven’t had a winning season.
  • 1999 Cleveland Browns have been very slowly on the rise with strong drafting in recent years.
  • 1995 Caronlina Panthers are a lifetime 115-119 (109-115 regular season, 6-4 in the playoffs) since joining the league. After making the playoffs their second season, they did not make it again until 2003 when they lost in the Superbowl.
  • 1995 Jacksonville Jaguars are 123-112 (118-106 regular season and 5 -6 in the playoffs) since joining the league.
  • 1976 Seattle Seahawks
  • 1976 Tampa Bay Bucs

You get the point how teams are after they are brand new franchises.

3) The Cavs have no finals appearances. And I think they only have one maybe 2 division championships (I’m too lazy to google it). The Bulls on the other hand have 2 separate three-peats!!!

I discussed this above, Basketball is the one sport that Chicago is better than Cleveland at, but give that a few years. What have the Bulls done without Jordan? What Will Cleveland accomplish next year?

If you can’t play the “what if” card, you cannot play the “wait and see” card either. Again it’s a moot argument. Even if Lebron wins next year, and stays in Cleveland, he STILL is never going to be as good as Jordan. Jordan went 6 for 6 in the finals, and won Playoff MVP every time. Lebron is 0 for 1 thus far.

4) Maybe the Cubs are a little worse off then the Indians, but both are sad stories. Throw the White Sox into the fold and the two can’t be compared.

You’re right you can’t compare them, because once again other than 2005, the two teams have one championship in 191 years. And this includes an era when there were fewer teams, and players made much much less. This means that between the two of them they should have been able to fluke into a championship. Unfortunately neither of them did. Cleveland has twice as many championships as both of these teams.

This is a toss up but Celveland is still worse off. There are very few people alive who remember either the Cubs or Indians ever winning a championship. The vast majority of Baseball fans remember the Chi Sox winning in 2005. That breaks the tie.

It’s comparing a sd franchies, and one very sad franchies versus one sad franchise. You make a good point, but you have it all the way around. The Chi-Sox are the competition with the Cleveland Indians. One has a Championship recently, the other has a better history, but nothing recently, both are lose lose. To break a tie you look at a franchise that hasn’t won a championship in over a century.

But wait, there’s more! An original argument from Lucas.

Now I know we don’t talk about hockey, but we have to make this argument fair since we forgot one of the big four teams. Let’s compare the the two NHL franchises, The Chicago Blackhawks and the Cleveland Barrons. Who are the Cleveland Barrons? They were a tempoary NHL team after plans in another city fell through. The Blackhawks are the leagues worst franchise.

The Barrons did what they were supposed to, be a franchise for a couple of seasons, until they could find a permanet home.

The Chicago Blackhawks are worse than Toronto Maple Leafs and that is saying something. The Blackhawks have never won a championship. Technically they were the Black Hawkes when they last won the cup, after the 1960-1961 season. This means that in the next six years, when there were only five other teams the Hawks couldn’t win, let alone the 48 years since they won in 1961. Well the Blackhawks won before 1961 right? Yes, twice in 1934, and in 1938.

Overall Compairson the only thing that these cities are going to win.

Basketall. Give the Cavs Plus 6 + 2for 8(one for every championship the Bulls have won plus two for MJ being better than Lebron) over the Bulls, but I have a feeling this will be revisited a couple of years from now.

Baseball. While the Sox and Indians are even, the Indians, the Cubs break the tie with Plus 10 (one for each decade of drought).

Football. The Browns win this Plus 2 since they haven’t won a championship, but it is hard to pick on new franchises.

Hockey. For those keeping score we have a tie. Since nobody cares about hockey we’ll make this tie break one point. What’s the only team worse than a tempoary franchse? The Chicago Blackhawks.

Overall Chicago has been better in Basketball and Football, they have been terrible in hockey and one of their baseball teams, and pretty darn bad in the other. Sport for Sport its a tie, but Chicago has three terrible teams, while Clevland really has the Cavilers, and the Browns until 1996. Comparing the two is like a comparing a crap town (Cleveland) and a crap city (Chicago), the City will win each time. Even with the good, the Bears and the Bulls, Chicago still has more craptacular teams than Cleveland.

While it’s close Chicago edges out do to their amount of Crap.


Random Sports Thoughs

First off let me say, yet again it’s been far too long. So let’s get back into the swing of things with the ORIGINAL Random Sports Thoughts.

1) RIP Steve McNair

I am and always have been a Titans fan. I’m not one of those people who idolize the dead (I’m looking at you new Michael Jackson fans) so I mean it when I say I’m going to miss Steve McNair. I became a lover of the double blue (US version) because of Eddie George, but stayed for McNair. I didn’t care about his great arm or ability to use his legs; no, I loved how he always played hurt. He ALWAYS had an injury. He isn’t Canton worthy, but he’ll always be the best Titans QB in my book.

2)    Hedo to the Raptors!

I LOVE the idea of having Hedo on the Raps. He’s arguably the best Free Agent available this year (since Kobe didn’t opt out) and now we can finally say a big name free agent is coming to T.O.!! As an added bonus, we screwed over Orlando at the same time!!

According to ESPN, the reason he backtracked on Portland (Up yours Oregon!)  was because his wife wanted to live in a big city, with a large Turkish population. So I would just like to send a big TO Sports Blog thank you to every Turkish person living in Southern Ontario. GOOD ON YA TURKS!!! We owe you one.

3)    Raptors Big Three

With the addition of Hedo, the big three of the Raps becomes Bosh at the 4, Hedo at the 3, and Jose at the point.  Throw in Andrea Bargnani at the 5 and a 2 by committee, you get a respectable starting 5.  The question is; in a conference that only got better, can these three lead us to the Playoffs? I love the raps, and I love the Hedo pickup, but I’m guessing…..no.

4)    Manny Ramirez

Prediction: Manny will be the first “druggy” to get voted into the Hall of Fame. He will then open the door for every other ball player with a syringe in his ass. The question is, will he go as a LA Dodger, Red Sox, or Indian?

5)    Fight Night Round 4 Walker Vs. Scott

Yes I pre-ordered the game in April, and yes I was almost guaranteed to love it no matter what they gave me.  However despite my obvious biases, it is an astonishing game. Of course when I play my main man Walker I will never win. Walker is like the Bill Belichick of video games. He’s methodical, computerized, and cheats just a little bit, but in the end he’ll beat you every time, and history only remembers the “Ws”. My hat is off to you my friend. You’re the undisputed pound for pound champion of my basement.

6) Wimbledon 2009

Thank god Federer beat Roddick in today’s MONUMENTAL Wimbledon final. If Roddick had won he would have denied Federer, and fans, a truely astonishing record. Something which we are privileged to say happened in our lifetime….he would have been the NY Giants of the Tennis world.

7) Lou Gherig

Lou Gehrig’s letters to his doctors are on ESPN.com. Go read them if you haven’t already. They’re a touching, and tragic look into a man’s struggle against his own body.

8) Lance Armstrong

I hate the sports media sometimes. Lance has openly said he’s running in this Tour De France for charity and NOT to win it.  Yet EVERYONE is asking “will he win it?” Are you even listening ESPN?

9) Victor Ortiz

Vicious Victor Ortiz was one of the brightest rising stars in all of boxing. In fact when EA sports approached Oscar De La Hoya asking him to be in Fight Night Round 4, he gave up his spot in the game so Victor Ortiz could take his spot.

However after his last fight, a TKO loss in the 6th round to Marcos Maidana, he stated he would rather stop a fight then keep going and potentially get knocked out cold. In a sport that demands its stars go beyond their physical limits, and die in the field of battle, Ortiz may have destroyed his career just as it started.

10)  US Soccer

Let me lead you in a prayer to the sports gods. Please hold hands with the person beside you and read the following.

O sports Gods, please do not let the US become a soccer power. They are already, world players at Basketball, Baseball, Tennis, Hockey, Golf, Boxing, and pretty much every Olympic sport. They are cocky enough.  Soccer was the only thing they were comically bad at. So if you can see it in your infinite wisdom to not give the US soccer too, we would be forever grateful.

Amen.

One For The Road

The Easiest job in the world is being in the SNL Band. You play twice per show, on a weekly show then go out afterwards and do some blow with the guest host. Possibly the cushiest gig in the world…..besides being Michael Buffer

By: Scott

RST!!!!!!

It’s been too long. So you know what that means……RANDOM SPORTS THOUGHTS!!!!

1)    Who do you think gets more headlines south of the boarder: The Leafs or Ryan Leaf?
2)    Which is a bigger letdown for Canada: The Jays’ early collapse, or Mike Weir’s eventual collapse at the U.S. Open?
3)    Did anyone else see the photo shoot with Tennis star Maria Sharapova making over Detroit Lions QB Matthew Stafford? Click here to listen to the soundtrack of that photo shoot.
4)    This may be sacrilegious, but Vernon Wells reminds me of Joe Carter.
5)    Josh McDaniels announced Kyle Orton as the Broncos’ starter.  Then said “no decisions are made in June.” …..So why the hell are you wasting my time Josh?…Why are you wasting my time.
6)    Enough with Kobe people. He hasn’t changed; we just want the good guy to win. No one wants to say “he’s the same old Kobe,” so now he’s a “new leader?” This is more time wasting people.
7)    That being said Phil Jackson is the best BAKETBALL coach ever. But basketball coaches rely on their stars more then any other sport and he’s had the best. Remember when Doc Rivers was a laughing stock? Then came his meal tickets known as KG and Ray Allen.
8)    Sammy Sosa was on Steroids!?!?! That isn’t surprising. What is surprising is that anyone would be surprised….Did you get that?
9)     Michael Phelps wrote a kids book called “How to Train with a T. Rex and Win 8 Gold Medals.” That’s fuckin’ retarded even for a Michael Phelps kids book.
10)    Artie Lange is my new hero. Even though he’s the human equivalent to a KFC chicken-wing dipped in heroine, he made Joe Buck look completely idiotic.  And anyone who shuts up Joe Buck is a hero in my book.

By Scott

Game 7 Diary

I’m no hockey fan, but it’s a game 7!! Of course I’m watching! I’m openly cheering for the Pens… and my prediction?…. Pens 4 Wings 2. That’s right people I’m picking the upset! (looking at his retroactively this looks like i’m just trying to look smart, but i really did pick the pens.)

7:00
Regular readers will know the question I persistently wrestle with; what can I eat while watching? In the end I settle on fruit. Give me a break it’s not like this game means anything….oh wait….

8:00
They do the whole national anthem thing, but the HNIC announcer just won’t SHUT UP. This is one of these moments, where the audience knows the steaks, you don’t need to constantly remind us it’s game 7!

8:15
The game starts, and instantly the Wings have pressure. This is a good thing because on a stage like this, early pressure never lasts. Exhibit A: the Orlando Magic last night (Thursday night)….of course now that I typed that, I think I just screwed over the Pens…..crap….

8:24
The first commercial hits and I briefly switch over to Jurassic Fight Club. What a stupid show. It doesn’t matter if the Triceratops beats the T-Rex, we all know the asteroid wins in the end…Pff paleontologists, shows what you guys know. Can you name any famous Paleontologist?…..Besides Ross from Friends.

8:31
I know I’m no hockey aficionado, but I know the Red Wings are a boring team. They’re like Red Stormtroopers.

8:47
The first period come to a close. It was a  great frame of hockey, full of pressure for both teams, however no goals for either side.

8:47:01
I change the channel before I have to listen to Don Cherry. “HEY KIDS…..”

8:51
A friend texts me “we’re at hooters, come watch the game!” I get in the car faster then you can say Ruslan Fedotenko.

At this point I go into a blogging blur full of chicken wings, beer, and orange short-shorts. Somewhere along the line the Pens win

WORST POST EVER!!

By (a hungover) Scott