Vick’s Future

Who let the dog out?

Now that the question of what will happen to Michael Vick has partially been answered, he has been reinstated by commissioner Roger Goodel, a whole new chapter of “What’s  Next?” has been opened, there are several possibilities, however there isn’t one clear cut right solution that will please everyone.

Obviously there are going to be people against Vick playing again, and not just PETA, but dog lovers everywhere. On the other side of the coin, are those who don’t really care what Michael Vick did and are big fans, although they represent a smaller number of people. There is also those in the middle who think he has paid his price, who don’t really care one way or another, or would like to see him get a second chance.

Vick is able to play after week six, pending good behaviour, in the NFL that is. Some, including Bills’ wide receiver Terrell Owens, feel that he has already served his time and that the suspension is unneeded. This leaves us with what will happen to Vick.

The first scenario is that he does get resigned. There are several alternatives to this case such as when, if he reports for training camp on time, who will be willing to sign him, and for how much. If multiple teams are interested, will they drive up the value of his contract and by how much.

The next obvious scenario if no NFL team wants him, after sitting out for two years, the last thing he should do if he wants to play again is sit out another year. I don’t think that this situation is completely out of the realm of possibility as in edition to the moral decision some owners face, he is an aging mediocre QB who hasn’t played in two years.

If Vick doesn’t end up playing in the NFL, then there is the start up league the UFL. The UFL would love to have a big name player such as Vick, because even though he might be bad press, he would draw much needed attention to the UFL.

He probably wont end up in the CFL, because in edition to his suspension which the league would prevent him from playing, he would likely be unable to work in Canada given his criminal background.

Finally now that Brett Farve has bowed out of the Minnesota race I could see them going after Michael Vick, however I would be interested to see how he does playing in the cold.

Personally, I think that the most likely scenario is that he ends up playing a year in the UFL, proving to the NFL that he still has what it takes to play at a competitive level. After  that he’ll either continue on in the UFL, or reach a deal with the NFL, serving out his suspension.

-Lucas
P.S. I recently saw a bunch of Madden’s in the used game bin selling for about $5.99, except for the one Vick was on the cover of, that went for a whopping $2.99.

Monday Ramblings

I have realized that it has been a while since I have posted, a very long while since I have posted anything on the Jays, for that I sincerely apologize, however they have been so mediocre lately, and that’s being generous so I have decided to move my focus elsewhere. It feels like cheating talking about other MLB teams, although congratulations are in order to Mark Bruehrle for tossing a perfect game the other day. Bonus points for making it against the Rays. Also congratulations are in order for Ricky Henderson and Jim Rice for getting into the Cooperstown.

I’m a couple of days late on this but that catch made by Dewayne Wise, a late inning defensive replacement, made an over the fence, home run robbing catch that almost wasn’t. Here is a video of it on YouTube shot by a fan and in surprisingly high quality, its great to hear the crowd’s reaction from great disappointment, to being back on top of the world again. This is the broadcast version.

One of the things that I like about Hall of Fame week, is all the positive light that is shed on the players. Sure part of the reason that they get into the Hall is because of their character, but there are also a lot of stories published that otherwise wouldn’t normally make it to the light of day. I read two examples of such stories that can be found on ESPN, one about Henderson being a much better team mate than anyone would have realized things like, asking to be taken out late in games so young players could get at bats and such. Another was about how Jim Rice saved the life of a young boy. Its nice to hear these stories, and its really too bad that they aren’t published more often.

I really like that Doc is getting attention, I also like that they aren’t going to trade him away for nothing, however, my opinion of the situation, will he be traded, won’t he changes about every five minutes. As it stands right now, I don’t think that he will. However there are still a few days for teams to collapse under the pressure and sign him. If he has to get traded, I’d love to see him go to my favourite N.L. team, the Dodgers if he does get traded, however my real preference would be to see him stay in Toronto.

Finally Michael Vick has been suspended four games by the NFL, and Terrel Owens isn’t very pleased about this. On one hand I think that T.O. is right, hes already been to jail, lost all his money, and been suspended indefinitely, so what are four more games really going to do. However, I still think that he should have to pay his time to the NFL. I think that more than anything this four game suspension acts as a deterrent from teams who would be interested in signing him, as they wouldn’t have him for the full season. To be honest, I would be surprised if he does play again this year, but I would not be surprised at all to see him in the UFL, or even in the CFL. To be honest, I think that the CFL style of football suits Vick’s style of play very well. But away from the game for so long, he is bound to have slowed down a little bit, and his arm sure won’t be as accurate as it as.

Until next time, keep on rockin and Rolen in the free world.

I’m a Sports Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here

Did anyone see the show I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here? Now usually I’m not one for crappy reality TV, but it’s the summer so quit breaking balls and just listen.  The most competitive person on the show was John Salley. You know Salley; 4 time NBA champion, and the token black guy on Best Damn Sports Show Period. Anyway this got me thinking, what if there were only sports stars stuck in the rain forest of Costa Rica? Lets explore.

Michael Jordan:
MJ would be the favorite to win, after all, the guy went 6 for 6 in NBA championships, a reality show should be easy. He would do every single challenge with his tongue sticking out too.  However in the end, he would quit the show twice, and eventually come back on another less popular show, which further ruins his legacy.

O.J. Simpson
Who wouldn’t want to watch “The Juice” on this show. However he would be first voted off after America saw his one luxury item he brought from home was a poorly fitting black glove

Adam “Pacman” Jones
He’s gonna make it rain!! …..Only on this show the strip club is the jungle ………and the “rain” isn’t money……… but actual fucking rain.

John McEnroe
He’d be the guy who freaks out first. “What do you mean we’re out of rice!! I’m out there busting my ass…” His luxury item? Well it would be a picture of him with his beautiful 80’s hair. What do you call that anyway?

Anna Kournikova, Maria Sharapova, Danica Patrick, Jennie Finch, Amanda Beard, and Stacy Keibler.
Eye Candy. I’m not a shovinist, but who wouldn’t want to see any of these girls in some tight-fitting wet halter tops fighting it out in a food challenge?

John Madden
He would be the guy who eats all the food, and pisses everyone off because he’s always pointing out the obvious. “We’re starving because we’re not eating enough fried chicken.” But in the end he would stay on the island and loose at least 100lbs.

Bill Simmons
Yes I know he isn’t an athlete, but do you trust anyone else to document this amazing show? No, of course not. For that we need the best. Enter SimBo.

Charles Barkley
They got Chaz Barkley only because Shaq was too busy Twittering to come on the show. Barkley would bring his golf clubs as his luxury item, and would be working on his swing every day……and it would still look like an awkward grade 6 slowdance. Chaz would also place bets with Michael Jordan on every immunity challenge, eventually leading to Chaz loosing $ 230,000.

Coach Mike Singletary
Mike would fill the roll of the token old guy, who gives everything his best, but in the end just can’t pull it out. Plus who wouldn’t want more soundbites like this.

There you have it. One island, six women, eight guys, thirty cameras, and millions entertained. But who would win? Stay tuned everyone!

By Scott

A Rebuttal To Walker’s Thoughts on Chicago

Not too long ago, my main man Walker made an argument that Chicago was a town devoid of sporting success. However I happen to disagree and think that Cleveland has a MUCH MUCH worse sports history. So here’s my rebuttal:

Once again rebuttals typed by Lucas will be in italics.

First I would like the thank Scott for making his entire post a tribute to the late Billy Mays, using only the Billy Mays Key to type.

1) Chicago had a Dynasty with the bulls. DYNASTY!! there have only been a handful of dynasties in all sports combined, and the Bulls have a good chance to be the most impressive dynasty of all. In fact I’m going to work on an article about that right now.  Stay tuned Sports fans.

This is the one exception to the rule, where they lucked out. Think about it, without Phil Jackson, without MJ, or Scottie Pippen, would there have been the Bulls Dynasty. I’m sure that they would have been good, just not as good. Much like figure skating though, if you take away the top point the average score is still going to be lower than the average score of Cleavland. Without going into an advanced statistical analysis, the Bulls are skewing Chicago on the crap-o-meter. Take them away and they are worse than Chicago.

Walker you are a smart man, but this is the WORST rebuttal ever. You can’t ignore the fact the Bulls were great. Also you can’t play the “what if” card. What if Sam Bowie went to Chicago and Jordan went to Portland? What if the Bulls drafted Reggie Miller instead of Scottie Pippen? What if Tex Winters never invented the Triangle Offense? These Questions don’t matter because IT DID HAPPEN! Lets not over complicate things. It’s Chigaco 6, Celveland and depressing.

You are right, the Bulls are much much better than the Cavs, however, what have the Bulls done recently? That silence you hear is your answer. The thing is what this argument is coming down to is whose better, LeBron or Michael Jordan. The answer is clearly M.J. so Chicago had the much better all-star. However since we are not discussing who has the worst players, we are discussing the worst teams. Granted Jordan’s supporting cast was better than King James’, but time will tell, as James still have 10 good years.

2) The Browns have never been to a Superbowl, and can hang their hat on Jim Brown and only Jim Brown (By the way I love Jim Brown).  The Bears have countless great names (Singletary, Ditka, Butkus, Sayers, Payton Et Al.), legendary moments (fog bowl, Ditka vs. Ryan: two coaches one team, “they are who we thought they were” Et Al.), and possibly the best team of all time (1985 bears)

No but the Browns do have four NFL championships, and the 1985 Bears are a very overrated team. I like to think that the 1985 team was a fluke. Yes their defence was good, but it was figured out. Mike Ditka never made it back to the championship. Prior to the 1984 season the Bears didn’t win a divisional championship for 42 years. This includes the premerger NFL, and like the Chicago baseball teams could not capitalize on weaker, and less competition.

This is in the same category as above. Even if you think the 1985 Bears are “overrated” (Which they aren’t at all), they still won a championship!! And if you want to count long time struggles before success, shouldn’t we be arguing over the Pittsburgh Steelers? Or maybe the Tampa Bay Bucs? No matter how you cut it, Chicago has a legendary team and 1 Superbowl, the brown’s best known moment is “the drive” and that is just depressing.

There is also another argument to be made regarding which franchise is historically worse, the Browns or the Bears. The Bears were around 26 years before the Browns were founded. In addition the Browns had financial troubles in the 90s which means in the early 90s prior to their fold in 1996, they wouldn’t have been able to have a competitive payroll. Insert Moneyball rebuttal here. In addition to this, when they came back in 1999, they were a new franchise, which means they are starting from scratch so it will be at least another five years before they could be competitive again. These five years, three years of inactivity and call it two years of low budget mean that for another decade on top of the 26 year head start the Bears had, the Bears have a total of 36 more years of Franchise experience.

Also you can’t give the “5 years to get good” idea. The Panthers made the playoffs in their second season in the NFL. Jacksonville became perennial playoff contenders ONE YEAR after being founded. The Idea that anyone can win in the NFL destroys any argument of time in the league.

Fun Fact The Clevland Browns have the fourth most players in the Hall of Fame. In terms of expansion teams here are the most recent. The reason that I say you need to give  a new franchise five years is because thats the average NFL career. After this time, they have seen enough players and possibly personal cycle through that they no longer dealing with all the issues that new franchises go through.

• 2002 -Since the Houstan Texans still haven’t had a winning season.
• 1999 Cleveland Browns have been very slowly on the rise with strong drafting in recent years.
  
• 1995 Caronlina Panthers are a lifetime 115-119 (109-115 regular season, 6-4 in the playoffs) since joining the league. After making the playoffs their second season, they did not make it again until 2003 when they lost in the Superbowl.
  
• 1995 Jacksonville Jaguars are 123-112 (118-106 regular season and 5 -6 in the playoffs) since joining the league.
• 1976 Seattle Seahawks
• 1976 Tampa Bay Bucs

You get the point how teams are after they are brand new franchises.

3) The Cavs have no finals appearances. And I think they only have one maybe 2 division championships (I’m too lazy to google it). The Bulls on the other hand have 2 separate three-peats!!!

I discussed this above, Basketball is the one sport that Chicago is better than Cleveland at, but give that a few years. What have the Bulls done without Jordan? What Will Cleveland accomplish next year?

If you can’t play the “what if” card, you cannot play the “wait and see” card either. Again it’s a moot argument. Even if Lebron wins next year, and stays in Cleveland, he STILL is never going to be as good as Jordan. Jordan went 6 for 6 in the finals, and won Playoff MVP every time. Lebron is 0 for 1 thus far.

4) Maybe the Cubs are a little worse off then the Indians, but both are sad stories. Throw the White Sox into the fold and the two can’t be compared.

You’re right you can’t compare them, because once again other than 2005, the two teams have one championship in 191 years. And this includes an era when there were fewer teams, and players made much much less. This means that between the two of them they should have been able to fluke into a championship. Unfortunately neither of them did. Cleveland has twice as many championships as both of these teams.

This is a toss up but Celveland is still worse off. There are very few people alive who remember either the Cubs or Indians ever winning a championship. The vast majority of Baseball fans remember the Chi Sox winning in 2005. That breaks the tie.

It’s comparing a sd franchies, and one very sad franchies versus one sad franchise. You make a good point, but you have it all the way around. The Chi-Sox are the competition with the Cleveland Indians. One has a Championship recently, the other has a better history, but nothing recently, both are lose lose. To break a tie you look at a franchise that hasn’t won a championship in over a century.

But wait, there’s more! An original argument from Lucas.

Now I know we don’t talk about hockey, but we have to make this argument fair since we forgot one of the big four teams. Let’s compare the the two NHL franchises, The Chicago Blackhawks and the Cleveland Barrons. Who are the Cleveland Barrons? They were a tempoary NHL team after plans in another city fell through. The Blackhawks are the leagues worst franchise.

The Barrons did what they were supposed to, be a franchise for a couple of seasons, until they could find a permanet home.

The Chicago Blackhawks are worse than Toronto Maple Leafs and that is saying something. The Blackhawks have never won a championship. Technically they were the Black Hawkes when they last won the cup, after the 1960-1961 season. This means that in the next six years, when there were only five other teams the Hawks couldn’t win, let alone the 48 years since they won in 1961. Well the Blackhawks won before 1961 right? Yes, twice in 1934, and in 1938.

Overall Compairson the only thing that these cities are going to win.

Basketall. Give the Cavs Plus 6 + 2for 8(one for every championship the Bulls have won plus two for MJ being better than Lebron) over the Bulls, but I have a feeling this will be revisited a couple of years from now.

Baseball. While the Sox and Indians are even, the Indians, the Cubs break the tie with Plus 10 (one for each decade of drought).

Football. The Browns win this Plus 2 since they haven’t won a championship, but it is hard to pick on new franchises.

Hockey. For those keeping score we have a tie. Since nobody cares about hockey we’ll make this tie break one point. What’s the only team worse than a tempoary franchse? The Chicago Blackhawks.

Overall Chicago has been better in Basketball and Football, they have been terrible in hockey and one of their baseball teams, and pretty darn bad in the other. Sport for Sport its a tie, but Chicago has three terrible teams, while Clevland really has the Cavilers, and the Browns until 1996. Comparing the two is like a comparing a crap town (Cleveland) and a crap city (Chicago), the City will win each time. Even with the good, the Bears and the Bulls, Chicago still has more craptacular teams than Cleveland.

While it’s close Chicago edges out do to their amount of Crap.

Rest In Peace Steve McNair

Steve McNair 1973-2009

In a short peroid that has seen many celebrties pass away the world of sports was affected on Independence day as Steve “Air” McNair was reportedly shot and killed as part of a murder suicide. Very few details have been released, but I think we can expect this to make headlines in the comming hours.

McNair, a 3rd overall pick in 1995 played 13 seasons for the Houstan Oilers/Tennasee Titans from 1995 to 2005, and the Baltimore Ravens from 2006 to 2007. In 2003 he was co MVP with Peyton Manning

Macho Mustache Madness

There are two ways two measure manliness in this world; sports and mustaches. The manliest of men balance both at the same-time, and this article is a recognizes those who have given the time to groom the finest lipticklers around, while being some of the most overpaid men in the world.

Major League Baseball

There is something about baseball that seems to attract men with mustaches. Perhaps some of it has to do that while sitting on the bench the players are left with little to but groom their upper lips. Or perhaps it has to do with the little known fact that before players wore eyeblack, they would just grow mustaches to keep the sun out. While there have been whole lists dedicated to baseball staches alone, I’ve tried to keep it even by selecting only the best of the best.

Brian Tallet. From the injury depleted Blue Jays pitching staff, Brian Tallet has worked his way from the bullpen, to the near top of the starting rotation. Some may credit this to his hard work, and determination he has shown in the bullpen, while others will say its due to the 47 injuries to the Blue Jays starting rotation Actually they have had 11 different started this season, but doesn’t the truth even sound made up?. I know that the real answer, and that’s because of how he came into the start of the season. About a third of the way through, he borrowed some chops from injured teammate Dustin McGowan, and grew a mustache two sideburn combo I like to call, The General.

Salvatore Fasano. For a backup catcher who can’t hit Sal Fasano has quite the fan base. The Fasano faithful are known affectionately as Sal’s Pals here in North America, and Fasano’s Pisanos in the old country. Fasano has quite literally built up his fan base soley on his facial hair. While doing his journeyman thing, Fasano got traded from the Phillies to the fun hating Yankees, he kept his stache…or as much of it as they would let him.

While he may look like the type of Harley driving and Jack Daniel’s drinking redneck you wouldn’t want anywhere near your child’s playground, the truth is Fasano is a hard working Christian who doesn’t drink and plans to study paleontology after he retires from baseball. Oh ya part of the reason he is still kicking around the minors is to help pay the medical bills of one of his children who was born with hypoplastic left heart syndrome. I can’t say enough about the man, so I will end with a shameless plug to his chairty Sal’s Pals.

Roland “Rollie” Fingers. With a name fit for a crunk-beat rapper, Rollie along with the next man on this list helped to define the closer position. Only Rollie bring back the waxed moustache, when he came into pitch his theme music was “I’m Bringin’s Waxy Back” by Justin Timberlake Sr.. He also had his number, 34 for those curious, retired by both the Athletics and the Brewers. Not only was he an excellent ballplayer he was a stylish individual who I’m sure made GQ’s best dressed list year after year.

Richard “Goose” Gossage. One final baseball player for the list, with some honourable mentions to come. One of the most dominant relief pitchers who helped define the closer position. Like Fasano, he was a journeyman and he made it all the way to Japan.  Unlike Fasano was allowed to keep his handlebar mustache by the New York Yankees. He’s also in Cooperstown.

Honourable Baseball Mentions

Jason Giambi – His was good enough to be endorsed by the American Mustache Institute, but he just didn’t keep it long enough to make the list.
Keith Hernandez. Not only did he make the list, he’s Keith Hernandez!
Al Hrabosky. Sure it’s bushier than Fasano, but I like Sal more, plus Hrabosky caved and grew a beard.

NBA/NCAA Basketball

During its heyday no sport boasted better ‘taches than basketball. The tradition is alive thanks to players and coaches alike. While there aren’t as many mustaches as in the NBA there  are some that are quite noteworthy.

Adam Morrison. While some say that this one should be in the NCAA category, but he does has a ring to boot with that teen-stache. When he was picked 3rd overall by the Charlotte Bobcats, many expected him to grow into a seasoned veteran, and possible illegitimate child of Tom Selleck. Sadly Morrison got injured, traded to the Lakers, and ended up with a ring. To add insult to injury, at 24 years of age, you can still see the forest for the trees, that is to say his mustache is still thinner than Jeremy Piven’s hair when he auditioned for the role of George.

Kurt Rambis the Greek God of upper lip hair. Funny having two Lakers on this list, but they know how to win, and they know how to stache it up. Rambis, who with those goggles, pedistache, and grainy black and white photos joins Fasano on the list of people you wouldn’t want hanging around your child’s playground. Rambis was a part of the Lakers during the years of rivalry in the 1980’s with the Celtics. I can’t imagine anything more intimidating then Rambis coming down the court ball in hand, stache on lip, and glasses on nose. Kobe’s scowl comes nowhere close. He had brief tenure as head coach in 1999, and served as an assistant under Phil Jackson, but not only is he a coach in real life, he played one on 7th Heaven as well. If Phil decides to step down could Mr. Rambis be back at the helm?

Stan Van Gundy. This years NBA playoffs brought attention to a few things, the aforementioned permascowl on Kobe’s face, a shot that meant nothing by LeBron James, and Stan Van Gundy’s mustache. If Van Gundy were to retire tommrow, even with this economy he would have no trouble finding a job, as his twin brother Ron Jeremy’s stuntman. At TSB I see what people have googled to come to my blog and far too many people have googled “Stan Van Gundy Penis”.

Honourable Basketball Mention

Larry Bird. The legendary Mr. Bird would have made the list, but his blonde beauty is just way to hard to see, especially with out HD video in the 80’s.

National Hockey League

Lanny McDonald. Pop quiz, what’s bushy, red, and described as walrus style? Times up, the correct answer is Lanny McDonald’s mustache. He played for the Leafs, the now defunct Colorado Rockies, and finished up his career with the Calgary Flames, and in 1989, a Stanley Cup championship. A career moment came for McDonald when scored an sudden death playoff goal to eliminate the New York Islanders in 1978 while playing for the Leafs. He did this with a broken wrist and nose, that was no doubt held up by that walrustache. Even in his once a year alumni public skate appearances, McDonald still sports a think red gray one.

Eddie Shack. Clear the track, its Eddie Shack! I debated putting Shack on this list because after he retired, he sold out. In an advertising campaign by Shick he was paid to shave off his duster. What a shame, but then again he did play in the era where players often had to hold down second jobs in the summer, and had nothing in the way of a retirement plan.

Wendell Clark. I swear I’m not being a homer picking three hockey players who had played for the Leafs. Instead of going for championships, they have gone clearly gone with style as all three of these mustached stick handlers have at one point played for the Leafs. Clark played for the Leafs during three separate tenures, and is most fondly remembered for his water-bottle launching shots and his handlebar mustache during the final days of Maple Leaf Gardens.

Honourable NHL Mention

Larry Robinson of the Montreal Canadiens, I just couldn’t hurt my Leafs by putting a Canadien on the list

National Football League

Despite boasting some of the toughest and hard hitting guys on this list, a good moustache is often wasted an an NFL player since they have to wear one of those pesky facemasks.

Jake Plummer. In his best season, Plummer sported the dirties sanchez north of Mexico. The Adam Morrison like dirtstache, that I’m willing to categorize under the sanchez style. His dirty sanchez was so popular that after he shaved it an online petition was started to bring it back. It was successful. The Mustache Gods frowned upon Plummer’s decision to shave though and his career was all downhill from there.

Mean Joe Greene. Joe Greene’s reputation preceded him the way lightning precedes thunder, on the field, and in the name. Once after a dirty hard hit on a QB the other teams bench started to walk on the field towards Greene. He and he alone walked back challenging them, and they backed off. Another time after a kid offered him his Coke he gave the kid his jersey, maybe he wasn’t so mean after all. Sure he had a beard during most of his career, but upon acceptance into the Hall of Fame he made the right choice.

Honourable NFL Mention

Andy Reid. Head Coach of the Philadelphia Eagles

Bill Cowher. Former Head Coach of the Steelers and current broadcaster

Why I Love This April

April has to be the best sports month by far. NBA playoffs, EPL and Champions League getting down to the nitty-gritty  (Still testing the waters), NFL draft, Opening Day/ first month of baseball, a champion being crowned in the NCAA, and even the NHL playoffs. So as the greatest month on the sports calendar comes to a close, lets go over some of the best from this past month.

2 Side Notes: First these are in no particular order. Second I don’t know why all three of my current posts have been lists type articles. This wasn’t planned. But I just wanted to let you know that I can write paragraphs that make an overall cohesive article….I just chose not to.

Rajon Rondo, versus Derrick Rose in the first round of the NBA playoffs
The best two young point guards in the league. These two could develop into the second best player rivalry in the entire association. Behind only TNT versus ABC of course…Why, who did you think I was talking about?

Watching Stan Van Gundy Coaching
EVERYONE says he panics. It started with Shaq and we all took it with a grain of salt, but now even players on his current roster are coming out saying SVG is a panicky coach.  But that is not why you should watch the Magic this offseason. You should watch because Stan Van is an exact replica of Ron Jeremy. Well I don’t know about EXACT replica.  (That sound you hear is people google-ing Stan Van Gundy’s Penis)

New York Rangers coach John Tortorella, trying to attack a Washington fan with a stick.
I know, I know, neither Walker nor myself are big hockey guys, but come on!  In what other sport could you find a coach trying to attack a fan? Okay MAYBE Mike Singletary.  “I’m gonna pinch him in the mouff!”

Debating whether Blake Griffin is a black guy or white
Yes I know what you’re thinking. His team was eliminated in MARCH not April. But he was involved in the tournament that ended in April so shut up. Anyway this is imperative. The last white guy to be taken number 1 in the NBA draft was Andrea Bargnani.  Which isn’t exactly working out the way my Raptors wanted. This question can also be asked of Mike Bibby.

Cheering against Manchester United
They are the evil empire of the soccer world. At one point this season they were talking about winning 5 trophies this year. FIVE for fuck sake!! Of course this can’t happen anymore as they’re out of the FA cup, but that still doesn’t mean we can’t cheer against these card-carrying members of MANC.

(MANC is an inside joke I made with my buddies. It is a German gay bar where only Man U players and fans are allowed in. Also for some reason they play 99 Red Balloons all night long…all…night….long…)

Opening Day
There is something magic about the return of baseball. Even at the Roj-ma-hall (AKA Rogers Center), this magical feeling cannot be denied. Then you’re charged $9 for a beer and the magic is killed.

Side Note: ICE….COLD….BEER. We miss you Wayne!

Cheering against the Yankees and Red Sox
This really speaks for itself. But this year it’s gotten easier since the Sox have become everything they once hated, and the Yankee new stadium is now Coors Field North.

The Masters
Only Tiger could not win the Masters, shoot worse then Phil, and still have the word praise him more then any other athlete in sports today.

The Blue Jays are Currently Leading the AL East!
Now this won’t continue all year. I now this. But that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy it while it lasts. EAT OUR SHIT REST OF THE AL EAST!! Of course we’re the Blue Jays…so it would be strange white coloured shit…does anyone know why that is?….moving on.

Coach KG
Kevin Garnett is out for the playoffs, which you know has to be killing a competitor such as him. But I love when the Camera shows KG on the bench hyperventilating, yelling, but mostly swearing like Scarface after a line of Colombian…. Kids take notes. You’ll learn some new dirty words if you can read his lips

Watching Glen “Big Baby” Davis try and replace KG
He may not be the “Big Ticket,” but he has dubbed himself the “Ticket Stub”….He’s a fat funny looking guy…. so that’s funny right? Then again, I look like Brian Scalabrine minus the facial hair and sweatband….so maybe I shouldn’t talk.

Watching Kobe versus Lebron on their quest to get to the NBA Finals
I’m writing this at 4:10 on April 26, 2009, (the Bulls Celts game is just about to go into double overtime) but this is going to happen, this IS going to happen. Both teams are too deep, and both these superstars are too determined to fall short of the finals. If this doesn’t happen, I’ll shave a Mohawk in my hair before the summer is done. PUT IT ON THE BOARD!

The NASCAR season is in full swing
I’m screwing with you. If you like NASCAR, you’re probably reading this in the public library since you’re doublewide doesn’t get Internet.

Pacquiao Hatton 24/7
From one obscure sport I hate, to one I love.  I love boxing even though it’s a dying sport with no real big name star anymore. Nonetheless, the next big fight is the pound for pound king Manny Pacquiao versus Ricky “hitman” Hatton. This fight will actually take place in May, BUT the Pacquiao Hatton 24/7 TV show is currently on HBO or the Score in Canada. If you haven’t seen any of the 24/7 series, youtube them right now. You won’t be disappointed.

NFL draft
Yesterday was round 1&2 today is 3-7…and I’m still flicking channels to watch round 6, when the NBA goes to commercial. I’m actually interested to see who Mr. Irrelevant (AKA last pick in the draft) is…..God I need a summer job.

NBA commercials
I love those “Amazing Happens Here” commercials. But even better I love the “Patrick Chewing” Snickers commercial. I have to joke that could possibly outdo this commercial. Just watch it.  I have it on permanent repeat on my computer.

There are more that I’m missing, but for the time being this is a pretty good list of reasons I love this April. If you’re a sports fan make sure to enjoy this time before the dog-days of summer.

By Scott

Running Diary of My Draft Day

Just for the record, this is not an original idea. I give all the credit in the world to the hands-down greatest ESPN columnist Bill Simmons (Insert “we are not worthy” clip from Wayne’s World here). Never the less, I thought I would share everything I did on NFL draft day

10:00am

I start off my sports day by watching Chelsea versus West Ham United. See, I’m a new, and increasingly obsessed English Premier League fan. But instead of writing a full article about my new found love, I thought I would spoon-feed a soccer reference first. You know, testing the waters.

3:50pm

I’m re-heating some burritos I made yesterday. Despite being a ginger, I’m like the fuckin’ Emril of Mexican food.

3:55pm

It’s time. The decision has to be made. The future rests in the balance. No, not the Draft, I need to pick which network to watch. This is critical, I’m about to invest hours of my time.  NFL network, or ESPN (through the TSN feed)? Chris Berman or Rich Eisen? Mike Mayock or Mel Kiper Jr.?

Random Note: I would love to see those four guys in a steel cage match. Only Eisen would have Randy “The Ram” hair.

4:00pm

I eventually give my viewership to the NFL network. They’re having Deon Sanders interview the draftees. Deon has to be in my top five ex-players now on TV (Warren Sapp, Dion Sanders, Chris Collinsworth, Charles Barkley, and of course Rance Mulliniks. Which also raises the question which Walker and myself always ask: Who names their kid Rance?). Have you ever seen Deon Sanders when he was a rookie? They showed a picture of him on the day he was drafted by the Falcons in 1988. He looked like Mr. T’s illegitimate child. “I pity the fool who throws at the guys I’m covering.”

Pick 1

The Lions take QB Matthew Stafford. No surprise considering he signed his deal yesterday. Now far be it from me to criticize a guy who just signed a contract for the most guaranteed money EVER, but he looks…..well he looks one card short of a full deck. Then again Peyton Manning looked like a 13-year-old boy with Down syndrome when he was drafted. He even played like one for his rookie year too. So I’ll give Stafford the benefit of the doubt.

At this time I realize I can play a special NFL draft day Streak For the Cash on ESPN.com!! (if you don’t know what that is go to ESPN.com right now). As a newly admitted Gambling addict, I can’t help but play long.

Pick 5

The Jets just traded 3 players and their first two picks to move up to fifth overall! They’re going to take Mark Sanchez right?

Yeah they took him and the crowd went crazy. My buddy Colin, a massive Jets fan, just shit his pants. Now Sanchez looks like a quarterback, far from the retarded farm-boy lookalike Stafford… Did I just develop a non-sexual man crush on Mark Sanchez?….

Pick 7

The Raiders just took WR Darrius Heyward-Bey and NOT Michael Crabtree! So in response to Walker’s question, Crabtree seems to be the one pulling a Brady Quinn. It has to be awkward to show up to the draft, keep falling, and constantly have a camera in your face. My prediction is he won’t fall past the 10th pick. Either the Packers or 49ers will take him simply because he’s on the board.

In-between pick 8 and 9

Mike Mayock just said Boston College Defensive lineman B.J. Raji had “good lookin’” legs and butt….Maybe NFL Network was the wrong choice.

At the same time I realize I’m getting killed on Streak For The Cash and stop playing.

Pick 10

Crabtree finally came of the board and went to the 49ers. CALLED IT!! This Crabtree versus Heyward-Bey competition will be one for the ages in Southern California…unless they’re both busts…which seems more likely.

In-between pick 11-12

Another weird Mayock moment: he just compared Aaron Maybin, the Bills’ newest DE, to a state trooper because they showed tape of him making a tackle 15 yards downfield…. What the hell does that even mean? I switched over to ESPN.

30 Seoncds Later

Back to NFL network. I miss Deon “Primetime” Sanders. Seriously if you could hang out with any football player in their prime, wouldn’t it be Deon? Google Deon Sanders and look at his mug shot, then tell me he wouldn’t be a fun guy to hang around.

Pick 12

Knowshon Moreno was just taken by the Denver Broncos… Really Josh McDaniels? First you’re hated for running your Pro-Bowl QB out of town, a year ago your defense blew the division title, and NOW you’re drafting a Running back?

5:43

I change channels quickly on a commercial, and figure out hockey is on!?!? Gary Bettman was born in America; he should know the NFL is king. Why are you scheduling a game against the Draft? In the end, Pittsburg wins 5-3 and hockey lost by a couple million in the Nielsen Ratings.

Pick 15

The Houston Texans take Brian Cushing. I really like Cushing, but only because I enjoy watching USC, and he was one of the draftees the NFL network cameras has been following around for months.

Still some good names available including Persey Harvin, Jeremy Maclin, and “Beany” Wells.

Somewhere around pick 17

My power goes out! On the biggest day of the NFL offseason, my damn power goes out! So I somehow leave the couch and go on a run. This was harder then usual due to the afore mentioned burritos.

As much as I love the Draft, we all get way too excited thinking our teams will be massively improved because of 7 rookies. It isn’t their colleges or draft positions that make great players, it’s coaching. Brady would be weeding my garden if he didn’t have Belichick, Steve Young would be a footnote in Tampa sports history if it weren’t for Bill Walsh, and under Chuck Noll, Terry Bradshaw finally learned how to spell “cat.” So enjoy the draft, pray for a better tomorrow, but at the end of the day, in coach we trust.

By Scott